Imagine this scene: Two families on vacation swimming at the swimming pool. A child from one of the families begins disobeying his dad. Dad tells his son to stop. Son continues to disobey. Dad gets mad, threatens to leave the pool if he doesn’t stop, and the son continues to disobey. Dad yells at son to stop, threatens for the 1249758973495th time that they will leave the pool if he doesn’t stop, and the boy continues to disobey. They never leave the pool. The other family, however, cuts their pool time short and leaves because it is no longer fun to play at the pool with a yelling dad and disobedient son.

Follow Through.

The dad was missing follow through. If that dad had followed through on the consequence for the son’s disobedience, the son would have learned that when his dad says something, he follows through on it. He means what he says.

We were that other family at the pool that left. It wasn’t fun listening to the arguing or watching the son continuously disobey and disrespect his dad. Now, part of me can understand where that dad was coming from. He was on vacation and he wanted to enjoy his time at the pool. But, the reality is – if you have a child that doesn’t listen and obey, no one gets to have fun.

Be Consistent.

When Luke (our oldest) turned 1, my parents told me that if we would just stay consistent with parenting and discipline, at about the age of 5 or so, disciplining would be few and far between. You know what? They were right! There may be days when you are absolutely exhausted and the last thing you want to do is discipline. But, keep doing it! Follow through on consequences for disobedience. It will pay off big time and you will thank yourself later.

Follow Through Pays Off But You Must Remain Consistent

Kenzie is almost 2 and she is still learning that mom and dad will follow through on what they say they will do. There was a time not too long ago when she really liked to throw her food on the ground. It was awesome. I really enjoy more messes to clean up – ugh!

Here is an example of what might have happened at the dinner table one evening during this stage:

Kenzie throws some food from her plate onto the ground.

Me (eye level to Kenzie) – “Kenzie, we do not throw our food on the ground (I would point to the food on the ground to make the connection). Our food goes in our mouth or on our plate. Please do not throw your food on the ground or you will have a consequence.”

Kenzie – throws more food

Me (eye level with her again) – “Kenzie, Mommy said to not throw your food on the ground, but you disobeyed. You are going to have a consequence because we do not throw our food on the ground.”

(Consequence given)

Me – “Kenzie, let’s eat our food now. No more food on the ground.”

Repeat for as many times as needed.

If she decides to throw food again tomorrow or in two weeks, this same scene would happen again. You can’t follow through one night and then relax the next night. It sends mixed messages and kids will figure out that they might as well try disobeying if they want because if you’re too tired, they can get away with it.

This can be very tiring (exhausting, annoying, frustrating, …. you get my drift), but IT WORKS. Following through on a consequence to a disobedience and staying consistent will work.

Our boys are 8, 7, and 5. They already know that mom and dad will follow through so it’s not going to be a continuous back and forth repeat of the same behavior. If they choose to disobey, they quickly remember that follow through occurs. If I ask my boys to finish their homework before they watch TV and my 8 year old chooses to disobey, he gets a consequence. Thankfully, one afternoon without watching his favorite TV show while his brothers get to because they obeyed reminds him there is a consequence for disobedience.

It’s not too late to start!

If your kids are older and you haven’t been the strongest at follow through, that’s okay. Start now. My first year of teaching 8^th graders was eye-opening to me. I had class rules, but I had no idea how to enforce them. I had no follow through. It was a rough year, but I lived to tell about it! My second year of teaching, I started the year off by following through. Night and day difference. They were already 14 years old, but they learned that I would follow through on consequences.

Do what you say you are going to do!

It’s important to do what you say you are going to do so your child knows that you mean what you say. They need to be able to trust your word. This doesn’t just fall under the category of consequences. For example, it could be quality time. I have been told that a kid’s love language is play. If you tell your child that you are going to have a movie night or go on a bike ride to the park, follow through on your words. This is just as important because it continues to build the child’s confidence in you as their parent. (Side note – If the child disobeys and the consequence is losing the movie night, that’s okay. It’s a hard lesson for the child to learn BUT I guarantee that losing the movie night made a lasting impression and they will be much more open to obeying the next time.)

Parenting is hard. Like, really hard. We have the tough job of trying to raise our kids to become world changers in a world that is getting crazier by the minute. We can do this though!! Follow through has been a great way for us as parents to demonstrate to our kids that because we love them and care for them, we want to teach them the importance of obedience.

If you have any other of tips about follow through, please feel free to share them in the comments!

“For the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.”

Proverbs 3:12