Am I Doing This Parenting Thing Right?

Please tell me I’m not the only parent who thinks this? When the reality hits you that you are responsible for raising another human, it starts to get real. Will the lessons I try to teach them be the right lessons they need to know for a successful life?

Am I being too mean? Am I being too lenient? Will I crush their spirit? Will they be respectful to their teachers? Will they honor their bosses?

Will my parenting screw up my kids???

The pressure can be a bit much.

Find encouragement in this –

“…the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Proverbs 13:24 “Discipline your children, for in that there is hope.” Proverbs 18:19

I’m convinced that if I don’t teach my children what’s right and wrong, the influences in this crazy world will do it for me.

So, we follow through on discipline and give consequences for disobedience (here).

How you give the consequence is important.

After having kids, we started giving consequences in the same format that my parents used for my brother and me.

Once a disobedience occurs, we follow these steps:

Explanation

We give an explanation to the child as to why they are receiving a consequence. We ask them questions as well – What did I ask of you? Did you obey? Why didn’t you obey? What did you choose to do instead? This clears up any confusion and requires the child to explain their actions.

Consequence

Whatever the consequence is, we then give/explain the consequence due to the disobedience.

Affirmation

We end the consequence by explaining (again) as to why they received the consequence. We always give hugs and affirm them that we love them. Then, we move on with our day! Put the past in the past.

Whatever consequences you choose, don’t forget to follow through on the consequence as well. If you say that your kids are going to lose their toys for a week, don’t relent after 2 days. Keep your word.

I like how Larry Stockstill describes discipline –

“Discipline should be unemotional. It is simply drawing a clear boundary and attaching a consequence.  When a child disobeys, they have crossed that boundary and you immediately enforce the consequence.” Larry Stockstill

https://www.larrystockstill.com/secrets-of-child-discipline

Discipline and consequences should be simple so keep it simple

My parents always told me that disciplining my brother and I required a bit of differentiation. My brother could be put in time out and he would learn his lesson because he hated time out. He did not like to be taken away from his play time. Time outs worked for him. I, on the other hand, was a bit more of a challenge. My parents tell me that I was a hard-headed, strong-willed child, but I just can’t fathom that – ha! Time outs did not work for me. They had to adjust the type of consequence I received and I can assure you, their adjustments worked!

Make sure the consequence is effective for each child. 

When Luke and Isaiah were probably 4 and 5 years old, they had been fighting way too much. I told them if they didn’t stop arguing, I would put them in time out. Well, they didn’t stop so off to time out they went. I put Luke in their shared room on his own bed and I put Isaiah in my room. Once the time out had ended, I went in to talk to Luke. He was remorseful and apologized. He wanted to get back to playing. Time outs worked for him. After Luke and I talked, I went to check on Isaiah. When I opened the door to my room, Isaiah was yelling “grab the rope” to a man in the middle of the sea so he could rescue him before the alligator ate him.

Um…what in the world???

Isaiah had turned the bed into a boat, a blanket into a rope, and the carpet into the sea. Clearly, time outs did not work for Isaiah. He had not learned his lesson…but points for creativity! haha! He just began playing by himself and not learning the lesson I was hoping to teach him. I had to rethink consequences for him.

A consequence occurs when a parent wants their child to learn that there are consequences for disobedience and to prevent them from doing it again in the future. If they don’t learn from the consequence, they don’t value the lesson you are trying to teach them.

Here are a Few Consequence Ideas

Here are some ideas that we have tried as other forms of consequences:

***Take away something that is important to them.

Our boys LOVE playing with Legos. All three of them play with Legos any chance they get. So, one day, after several warnings to stop fighting and them choosing not to obey, I packed up all the Legos. I placed them in a big, plastic box and put the box in the middle of the entry way for an entire week. Every time they walked to their room or to the kitchen, they saw all their Legos. It was a reminder that they didn’t obey so they lost their Legos. At the end of the week, I gave the Legos back and they were much better at sharing and being kind to one another.

A friend commented on my last post that she packed up all her daughter’s toys, put them in the attic, and her daughter had to earn them back. I love this idea! They lose their toys because of their disobedience and then they have to do different things to earn them back. I think this adds value to the consequence.

***Give them a chore to do around the house that they wouldn’t normally have to do.

My go-to consequence chore is cleaning the base boards. It’s their fave! If the reason they are receiving a consequence is because they are arguing, they get to do the cleaning together.

If you have any other consequence ideas, feel free to share!