Have you seen posts where doting parents call their teenager their best friend? While I love to see a tight bond between parents and teenagers, teenagers still need parents.
The teenage years can be confusing because our role begins to shift. We aren’t tying their shoes anymore. We aren’t packing every item in their backpack or arranging playdates. (If you are, there are bigger problems at hand!) They’re growing in independence, forming opinions, making decisions, and preparing for adulthood.
They don’t need another best friend.
It can be easy to think they don’t need us as much, but the truth is – they do! They just need us in a different way.
What do teenagers need from their parents?
- Boundaries. Teens still need boundaries given to them. Their brains are still developing, and they”re not ready to navigate life on their own. Should the boundaries be different than when they were in elementary school? Absolutely! But, they still need them. Give them a curfew. Don’t let them have electronics in their rooms. Check their phones daily. Know where they are going and who they are going to be with. Give consequences when boundaries are broken.
- Encouragement and confidence. Encourage your teen to try something new, to stick with the hard things, to be genuine. Tell them you are proud of them. Words are important. Encouragement matters.
- Show up. Don’t miss their games, recitals, award ceremonies or presentations. Be there and be present. Eat dinner together as a family. Your teenager needs to see you show up at times that mean the most. While words are important, actions speak louder.
- Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Sometimes teens don’t need advice—they just need an opportunity to process their thoughts and feelings. When they know they can talk to you without immediate judgment or correction, they’re more likely to keep coming to you.
- Give guidance. One thing parents have that teens don’t is experience. Share your wisdom, lessons learned, and mistakes made. Your experiences can help guide them as they make their own decisions.
- Laugh. Have fun with your teen! Make memories. Enjoy this season.
- Be an advocate. While teens begin to make more decisions on their own, they can still need someone to speak up for them. However, don’t be a helicopter parent. Let your teen make choices, but don’t be afraid to stand up for your teen if needed.
- Pray. Pray for them and with them. Pray over their decisions, their futures, their hopes, and their dreams. Never stop praying.
Teenagers need parents to be parents.
Hold them accountable.
Love them well.
Teach them.
Guide them.
There will be plenty of time to be their best friend later. Right now, they need you to be their parent.
“Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”
Proverbs 1:7
Words to Bloom 