Why Can’t My Son Read?

Parenting is hard. No guidebook can truly prepare you. And, what I’ve figured out so far in my parenting journey is that one of the hardest things occurs when your child is struggling and you don’t know how to fix the problem.

When one of my boys was in 1^st grade, his teacher shared some concerns with me regarding his reading fluency. I shrugged it off. I decided we would just spend extra time at home reading, and it would all fix itself. But, it didn’t.

Next thing we know, he is in 2^nd grade. He is still struggling but now the school is talking about possible retainment or special services. Now, here’s the thing – sometimes these recommendations are necessary but as a teacher myself, I didn’t think those things would fix the problem.

So, we started intense reading intervention. It required 3 hours of him and I working together every week and 3 hours a week of him working with a trainer. After almost 4 months, we were only seeing small gains.

Isaiah was getting more frustrated and losing self-confidence. He cried. I cried. We all cried. We were working so hard, but nothing was working.

Here were some of his reading struggles:

• He could read sight words but when they were added to a sentence, he wouldn’t always know the words.
• He could read better with larger print. As soon as the print was smaller, his speed slowed considerably.
• While reading a paragraph, he could track going from line 1 to line 2 with no problem. Once he got to line 3, he couldn’t make it to line 4. He would end up on line 6. He could not track the lines in a paragraph.
• Even though his fluency was slow, his comprehension was strong. When having only a minute to read a text and only getting about 2-3 lines read, he would still score at least 70% on comprehension.
• Copying down items from the board was a challenge and the work was usually incomplete.

Then one day, Ian had a random conversation with one of our friends. He started sharing about how one of his sons was struggling with reading. They realized it was his eyes and he started seeing an eye doctor for vision training. Part of me thought it wouldn’t be the same for Isaiah because I had already had his eyes checked and his vision was 20/20 but part of me was so desperate that I would try anything.

The next day, I called the doctor’s office for vision therapy and booked an appointment for Isaiah to be tested. After two days of testing, we found out that he had vision problems! It wasn’t that he couldn’t see, it was that his eyes weren’t working together. The doctor shared the results with us and even allowed us to do some of the tests ourselves so we could understand more of what Isaiah was dealing with concerning his eyes. We were both blown away!

For example, when I would ask Isaiah if he could see items on the whiteboard at school, he would say ‘yes’ because he could see them. However, it was taking his eyes 3-4 seconds to focus on the board and then another 3-4 seconds to focus when his eyes returned to the paper to copy down the work. The doctor told us that he was working about 6 times harder than other students just to keep his eyes focused. (And then my tears started!) My son had been working so hard for two years and never knew his eyes weren’t working like they were supposed to work.

We started vision therapy with the doctor. We did exercises at home 5 times a week for about 10-15 minutes and then he would work 1 day a week for about 45 minutes with a therapist. Slowly but surely progress started. After nine months, he has graduated to just one at-home practice time. Plus, his testing results have greatly improved!

We aren’t where we need to be yet, but we can see the light at the end of a very long tunnel.

Isaiah received a letter in the mail this week from one of his teachers. Normally I would help him read it but not this time. I handed it to him, and he just read it. Clearly, confidently, and at a steady pace with a smile on his face. That is success in my book!

What I learned through this process:

*I must be an advocate for my child. I need to help be their voice. I am so thankful for the teachers that he has had in his life. They have only wanted the best for him. However, not all the recommendations would have been the best for him. I had to voice my concerns and help find a solution.

*The teacher and the parent must work together. As a teacher and a parent, I know both sides. I know that as a teacher, I want my students to succeed. As a parent, I know I want my child to succeed. If there is open communication between both, the same goal can be reached. I must be willing to work with them to figure out the best solution. I also think that meeting face to face, especially at the beginning, is extremely important. Sometimes email communication can be misunderstood. Meeting with his teachers and intervention teachers has helped our entire process.

*My child’s reading fluency will not define him. As a teacher, I know the importance of reading fluency. But, it’s not everything and each student ‘gets it’ at their own pace. My son is an amazing artist, great at math and writing, and a passionate soccer player. It’s important to keep those giftings and strengths highlighted. 

*Celebrate the small victories. I had to be his cheerleader. Sometimes, all he could see was his classmates reading faster than him. He didn’t notice that his spelling test grades were improving or that he could read from line 3 to line 4 without losing his place. But I noticed, and I celebrated them!

*Don’t give up. I don’t even know how often I just wanted to throw in the towel. This whole journey was hard, frustrating, and time-consuming. If I had given up though, my son would have seen that. What would that have communicated to him? You can do this! You must do this!

We are still working towards the end goal but at least we can finally see the end!