An Essential Skill Kids Need to be Taught

“Mom, he stole my Pokemon cards!”

“Mom, he hit me!”

“Mom, when I tackled him, his head hit my nose and now I have a nosebleed. Can you believe he did that to me?!”

Arguing. Bickering. Fighting. Disagreements. Conflict.

They can wear this mama out. After a 2.5 week break over the holidays, I may have been a little ready for school to start back up.

The thing I am learning about disagreements is that they will happen no matter how old we are because we are human. However, if we can teach our children how to resolve conflicts, they can become adults who are able to work through their issues.

I grew up in a family that used these three guidelines when disagreements occurred:

• Talk it out! Growing up, if I was mad or got into a disagreement, my dad always made us talk it out. I usually hated it, but it worked. We hashed out the details. Everyone had a chance to state their case and then we worked through the problem. I may not have liked it, but I am thankful that it was a requirement growing up. I see so many families that are unable to share holidays together because they are unable/unwilling to talk through their issues. Our children need us to set the example.
• Everyone listens. Give everyone a chance to talk without interruptions and allow them to explain either why they are frustrated or have an opportunity to explain their actions. When others are talking, listen to what they are saying. Don’t be thinking about what you are going to say as a rebuttal. This is usually where misunderstandings are cleared up.
• Make up and move on. Once you talk out the disagreements, make up. Once you make up, move on!

As a parent:

*Don’t jump to conclusions. A few weeks ago, one of my boys said something that wasn’t very nice about one of his brothers. Instead of asking for clarification, my son was told to go to his room. I didn’t give him a chance to explain himself. My husband went into my son’s room and talked to him. He took the time to ask questions to figure out what our son meant. Well, it turned out my son didn’t mean what he said. The word he had used had a different meaning than what he thought. It was a misunderstanding. If I wouldn’t have assumed and asked for clarification, I would have learned that.

Of course, there will be days when the kids and the parents just seem to be too grumpy. Every little thing causes an argument. On these kinds of days, I add these strategies:

*Get a change of scenery. When my kids are arguing too much with each other, we head outside or go for a drive in the van if it’s too cold. Getting out of the house usually helps everyone!

*Arguing can earn you chores. If fighting persists, I will have my kids do extra chores together. My go-to chore for fighting is cleaning the baseboards. They are forced to work together, and I get clean baseboards. Win-win!

So why is learning conflict resolution important?

If you don’t learn how to work out your problems as a child, you might grow up to be an adult that doesn’t know how to work through your problems.

It’s too easy to get mad at someone and just hold a grudge without being willing to talk through the issue.

“Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your head.” Unknown

In my life experience, most cases of disagreements have been based on someone getting mad without knowing all the facts. People getting mad without taking the time to find out the whole story.

“An offended heart is a breeding ground for deception.” –Bait of Satan

Take time to talk it out. It probably won’t be fun and it can be a little messy but working through issues is completely, 100% worth it in the end. Always try to assume best intentions.

Talk it out. Everyone listens. Make up and move on.

If we can teach our children how to resolve conflicts, there just might be less grumpy adults in the world in a few more years 😊 I think the challenge is worth it.

 

 

 

In case you missed it:

That Time My Dishwasher Broke (Kids and Chores)

Are the Two’s Actually Terrible?

Which Kind of Mom are You?